Source: NSPCC

Loneliness is defined by The Campaign to End Loneliness as:

‘a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want’.

While loneliness can be caused by being physically alone, being alone doesn’t necessarily lead to feeling lonely.

Sometimes children can feel lonely even if they’re often with other people. They might be feeling this way if they don’t feel properly seen or understood.

Loneliness can look and feel different for everyone, but if you’re worried about your child, it’s good to talk to them about what they might be feeling and experiencing.

What should I do if I think my child feels lonely?

 

If you think your child is feeling lonely, it’s best to try and talk to them about it first.

Ask them how they’re feeling and try to understand them. If you’re not sure where to start, we have lots of advice on having difficult conversations with children.

You might start by checking what loneliness means to your child. Do they recognise or relate to the feeling? Do they know it’s OK to feel that way sometimes? Do they know they can always talk to you about it if they're feeling this way?

If your child says they are struggling with loneliness, you could work together to create an action plan to help them with these feelings.

My child has said they feel lonely. What should I do?

If your child tells you they feel lonely, it’s important to listen carefully to them. You could repeat back what they’ve said to you, to check you’ve understood them.

Reassure them that loneliness can be a temporary feeling, and that you’re here to support them. Let them know that anybody can feel lonely at times, and you can work together to help them find ways to feel less lonely.

You could help them practice social interactions through role play or encourage them to join groups or clubs that they’re interested in or excited about.

You could share Childline's page on loneliness with them if they want advice or to learn more about the support that's available.

Why does my child feel lonely?

There are lots of reasons a child might feel lonely. Thinking about the reasons why your child might be struggling with these feelings could help you understand the best support you can give them.

Some common reasons for loneliness include:

• Feeling like they need more friends or to feel closer to the friends they have.
• Not having as many chances to socialise and see friends as they’d like.
• Wanting a closer relationship with family or their community.
• Problems with self-esteem, meaning they might not feel confident about making and keeping friends.
• Struggling with a physical or mental health problem.
• Life changes, such as moving house, changing schools or parents or carers separating, meaning it's more difficult to see their usual support network.

What can I do to help my child feel less lonely?

You could try making an action plan with them. This could look like:

Communicating openly Try to talk and listen to your child regularly and without judgement, acknowledging and validating their feelings as much as possible.

Understanding the cause Work together to figure out why your child is feeling lonely.

Encouraging socialising You could help your child practice social interactions through role playing. And you might see if there are any clubs or groups your child might be interested in joining.

Building their confidence When you notice your child is making progress or putting in effort, it’s important to acknowledge this and praise them, even if the steps they’re taking are small.

Creating a supportive environment Spending regular, quality time with your child will help them feel supported by you. You can also encourage them to express themselves and their feelings in a way that’s safe and that they enjoy.

How often should I check in with my child?

Loneliness isn’t something that will feel resolved in one conversation, or by doing your action plan just once.

By having regular chats and check-ins with your child, they’ll have more chances to talk to you about how they’re feeling and if their loneliness is feeling better or worse.

You might agree on a regular time to sit down and talk, free from distractions, where your child knows they can talk openly about loneliness or anything else on their mind. Make sure they know they can come to you anytime they need to talk

If you have a problem you can’t fix on your own, it’s a good idea to speak to an adult you trust (a ‘trusted adult’). Telling someone you need help isn’t always easy, but here is some advice to help you.

Wellbeing Newsletter No.9 - Tips on Asking an Adult for Help

What is banter? Banter is the harmless exchange of social interaction between friends which involves teasing or mocking one another, either on a one-to-one basis for more commonly on a friendship group basis.

But when does banter become bullying?

Wellbeing Newsletter No.7 - Banter

You don’t need to be physically alone or cut off to feel lonely. You might be surrounded by other people. But it can feel like you’re on your own or that no one understands how you feel. Loneliness can make us feel down. And if you feel like this, you can get help.

Wellbeing Newsletter No.6 - Loneliness